Word War IX: The Rap Battle

Narrator
Guidance: Languange may offend.

Welcome to Origins: World War IX Uncut! Today, in this episode, there's a freaking rap battle, so we have the leader of the Children of the Sun, Erasmo Linton, the President of Disney Junior Country Jake Ford, the United Nations Secretary-General Roe Hyo Joo, the President of the United States during the first half of World War IX, Julius Washington, the President of the United States during the second half of World War IX, Fank Underwood, the President of the European Council, Flora Laar, the Prime Minister of Japan, Yamauchi Tetsuzan and a group of reunited Clyde the Frog funeral guests, including their parents and siblings, versus the new Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Darth Vader, the President of Tamagotchistan, Mametchi, the President of Russia, Igor Chayka, the President of China Ting Bojing and the leade of the PAW Patrol, Zack Ryder Muhammad, Jr.! So, are you ready to rumble? Then let the battle... begin.

On June 28th, 2969 ABB, the leader of the Children of the Sun and UNSC marine, Erasmo Linton just shot... the first Galactic Empeor, Palpatine. Are you ready? Here we go. And they're off.

Erasmo Linton
Yo, your grimmy Emperor Palpatine

Didn't see Linton's sniper rifle!

Too busy guzzling

Like Ferninand's wiener schnitzel.

Popped a cap in his ass

For my Children of the Sun brothers.

Get rid of that 'met

It's bigger than any Vaders'.

Now just like your volcano-burnt face

You ain't got no heir.

I spit rhyme as your empire decline

Have you any notion

Of united Solarian nation?

You catch my drift

Or do you want a translation?

Solaria's got friends, yo!

Earth's our homie.

Think we're scared?

Here's two words for you:

Blow me!

Darth Vader
You want a war, Erassy?

We bring the pain, Solary.

Blood split in Kamino.

Gonna cause a blood bath, yo!

Tamagotchis, Raposas and Animeans, three of my bitches.

Best watch out 'cos my trigger finger itches.

You're tiresome, you're irksome,

Like a Solarian Jeremy Clarkson.

Jake Ford
Huh? Who the hell is that?

Roe Hyo Joo
Nothing to do with us.

Mametchi
Back to the story,

The story of doom.

For poor, tiny Solaria's

About to go boom!

You hear me, assassin?

All our troops are massin',

Get ready for the bombing,

The shootin', the gassin'.

Here is the real deal yo! Shit has got real yo!

You'll be crushed

Under our great alliance's mighty heel yo!

I'll kick your Earthian friends in the Balkans,

And upgrade Belgrade,

Even if those BRINCS and PIGS

Are both rushin' to your aid.

Julius Washington
You think so?

Darth Vader & Mametchi
Oh, crap!

Julius Washington
Back off, Darth Vader!

Solaria's our extraterrestrial breathren.

Different blood, same religion,

Slightly different complexion.

We're packing more army

Than you got lots of people who will get sacrificed by Poultra.

So stop ya bragging, ya trollin',

Or the Western-style pain train starts rollin'.

Last time you kicked off,

I sweat elections.

This time, my solution

Is your dissolutions.

Beware, the American bald eagle.

Igor Chayka
Everyone knows me, da?

The President of Russia, da? Coo-ee!

I'm President Igor Chayka of Russia.

The first was a gas.

But like the Godfather,

The sequel kicks ass.

Got clowns to the west of me,

And jokers to the east,

But China's one of my six mates.

Gotta eradicate the American beast.

So back off Cousin Jullie.

Don't take the mick, seriously,

And tell your mates Europe

Not to interfere.

This ain't no prance,

It's a Russian war dance.

Flora Laar
Chill out cousin Iggy.

Stop acting so silly.

You be trippin' by flippin'

The bird willy-pilly.

The armies of the Winslow Accord Treaty Pact -- mighty.

The United States, the United Nations and this bitch -- blighty.

Your rhymes are a shambles.

Your rhymes are a gamble.

You're taking an enormous punt.

No wonder my homies and yours too

Think you're a massive...

Difficult chap.

Your territorial ambition

Puts us in this position.

So go ahead, cuz, rant and rave

Your plans will be sunk

Like your floating junk.

Europe will be like that Britannia ruling the waves.

Ting Bojing
Union braggants, you hate the Arabs

And their pork-hating,

Nuclear terrorizing, gasoline stench.

As for your dreadnoughts

Wave them goodbye.

I'll make your navies into gravies

To fried chicken and mashed potato.

Gonna send my thugs

Through South Korea to the Philippines.

Nothing can stop this communist advance.

China will rise again like the past.

A glorious people's republic rebuilt to last.

Let me tell you this, ain't no mystery.

Ting Bojing the Great will go down in history!

Yamauchi Tetsuzan
Ting Bojing the Great?

More like Ting Bojing no mates.

Your ideas are absurd.

We gave South Korea our word.

We've got no choice if you won't behave.

Our poor old enemy leader must be

Spinning in his grave.

Clyde the Frog Funeral Guests (including their Parents & Siblings)
Rest in peace, Kim Rong-sin.

Zack Ryder Muhammad, Jr.
Look into my eyes.

You see compromise?

Your collective demise

Will see our rise.

I can't back down now.

I'll look a clown now.

Ain't shit that can stop

This countdown now!

I'm going for a lie down now.

Narrator
Who won the rap battle? Who'll be next in our next rap battle? You choose and decide who will win this rap battle!

Side note: Do you know that World War IX is one of the most deadliest wars of all time in this conworld? By August 2969 ABB, war had broken out all across Toonatopia. Over the next eleven years WWIX would result in the deaths about 50 million people. The causes of the war are still being debated to days during and after World War X.

Thanks for watching. Hope you folks enjoyed this rap battle. And remember, boom goes the dynamite. And also remember once again, please discover new perspectives on World War Nine. See you next time, and remember, tune in next time!